Liberty University

29 Dec 2006. Liberty is in Lynchburg in what may be fairly termed the middle of nowhere, Virginia. But for the middle of nowhere it has about thirty-seven colleges and universities, maybe more by the time you read this. And for the M.O.N. it's hard to get around. It is even difficult just to drive straight through and not end up headed toward Appomattox Court House. Nothing wrong with the historical site of Lee's surrender but how often in your life are you gunning to see it, ya reenacting weirdo? LU is some kind of evangelical Christian school - probably Jesuit - and I find it chuckleworthy that locals call their indoor arena the Jesus Dome.
Just like when Northeastern joined the CAA and added red to the school color repertoire, I was more excited than necessary to find a big red tumbler from the Big South. My thoughts now turn to Clifford the Big Red Dog. I imagine a small gas powered tractor, not unlike the ones on golf driving ranges, retrofitted with a shovel implement to clean up after his messes. And just who manufactures these huge custom shovels? Somewhere in small town USA, an entire mini-economy is dependent on giant dog waste.

Youngstown State University

25 Nov 2006. Another football away game. Youngstown, Ohio, is not the abject hellhole that biased observers or athletic opponents make it out to be. It could use help though being part of the rust belt in a struggling economy. The shotglass is tiered to make it fun to hold but has nothing to indicate it has one of the oddest mascots in all of college sports: the penguin. Youngstown is not THAT cold so there is sure to be a reasonable explanation why they wanted to be represented by a fat, slow, proud, delicious bird.

Appalachian State University

9 Sept 2006. Our football team was making a trip down to Boone, North Carolina. It was about a six hour car ride. Well, it was supposed to be, but it ended up being a six hour bus ride. Unfortunately my two tripmates bailed and I had to scramble to find a way down to what was sure to be a classic gridiron battle. Fortunately I quickly learned of a student bus trip that had one seat left. Unfortunately App State won, and the timing of the itinerary did not afford time to hustle into the bookstore. Fortunately I met my main squeeze on the bus ride and her friend brought one for me on our next meeting. They could not have picked a better cup. The bright yellow and polygonal design makes it stand out and on the reverse is the 2006 football schedule, helping future drinkware carbon-daters. The "Go For 2" is referring to ASU football gunning for their second consecutive national championship in division I-AA (now called FCS). They certainly did go for it. A third time the following season as well. Three national titles later, they finally got knocked off by Richmond in December 2008.

Be sure to see why Appalachian State is Hot, Hot, Hot!

Northern Arizona University

25 Aug 2006. Perhaps this is not news to all you world weary travelers out there, but Flagstaff Arizona is not like the rest of the state. I knew NAU's mascot was the lumberjacks but that did not make any sense to me. Were the saguaros so large and numerous that an entire industry was dedicated to felling them? No, not at all. No saguaros. Only skinny alpine trees. And rain, lots of rain! Many roads were blocked from flooding. All during student move-in day too. Their lumberjack statue in front of the bookstore was defiantly shirtless and the wet brassy torso only added to his chiseled eroticism. Ooh la la!!!

Lumberjack photo courtesy "forrestcook" on Flickr.com

University of New Mexico

25 Aug 2006. This is where the CCP starts to get interesting. It takes on a tinge of adventure, for the what in the name of the Hogwaller Ramblers am I doing in New Mexico? (There's a New Mexico now?) The good folks in Albuquerque can try all they might to show off their fine town as a real city with real city services like libraries and aquariums, but we all know their state is basically America's Mongolia. Big. Barren. Where wildlife die of thirst before they can make it to the interstate to commit suicide and where suburban-raised people curl up and bawl. UNM's campus, devoid of much botanical life, is still striking with its brilliant red and tan buildings. The energetic student population took over all the inner campus roads. They will take a bite out of your bumper and stuff your exhaust pipe with your lips, watch out. The tall ceilinged bookstore is big like the rest of the state, so all visitors can stay kicking distance away from each other. Unfortunately there were no cups with its flesh rippin' wolf mascot on it. A buoyant plastic stadium cup will have to do. I entered New Mexico...a boy...and left...no, barely escaped...a man. With frunky cactus breath.