University of Maryland, College Park

7 Sep 2007. From the Comcast Center volleyball concession stand, filled with a Sprite-flavored beverage (may have been Sprite).

The University of Maryland mascot was named when President Theodore Roosevelt would ride full speed on his gelding, Chrysanthemum, up and down the streets of northeast Washington, D.C. Though he was simply giving tours to visiting dignitaries the quickest way he knew how, the spectacle would give permanent terror pains to the elderly professors and residents of the College Park neighborhood.
"Terror Pains?" replied the President. "Bully! I cannot think of another phrase better suited to describe the symptoms of your unfortunate gridiron opponents!"
An opium-addled newspaperman reported on the opening game of the football season using the term but mangled it into "Terrapin", a slow-moving land turtle (as opposed to the fast-moving land turtle).

Terror Pains? Bully!

University of Pittsburgh

18 Mar 2007. Petersen Events Center, you aren't fooling anyone. You're the Panthers' basketball arena who occasionally hosts graduations and visiting former stars of The Real World! Love and accept who you are! This was a spur-of-the-moment trip to Pitt to see a first round women's NCAA tournament game. Mmmmm, a thirty two ounce serving of Sprite-flavored beverage hit the spot. The day trip even included a visit to the Duquesne Incline and Primanti Bros. who give a big middle finger to lunchplate segregation and PUT THE FRENCH FRIES ON THE SANDWICH ITSELF!
Come again? Not familiar with the Duquesne Incline? Not surprising, Pittsburgh really should get the word out on this thing. Part street trolley, part ski lift, part steam engine, fully turn-of-the-century coaltown history. Back when machine parts were the size of thoroughbreds and needed the utmost durability to survive the elements. So it moves at 3 miles an hour, so what? Put yourself in a time where it was freakin' amazing that it even moved at all. At the same time when people imagined riding in a locomotive going 40 mph would crush your bones.

Ya ever seen your own insides, Jimmy?

University of New Mexico

25 Aug 2006. This is where the CCP starts to get interesting. It takes on a tinge of adventure, for the what in the name of the Hogwaller Ramblers am I doing in New Mexico? (There's a New Mexico now?) The good folks in Albuquerque can try all they might to show off their fine town as a real city with real city services like libraries and aquariums, but we all know their state is basically America's Mongolia. Big. Barren. Where wildlife die of thirst before they can make it to the interstate to commit suicide and where suburban-raised people curl up and bawl. UNM's campus, devoid of much botanical life, is still striking with its brilliant red and tan buildings. The energetic student population took over all the inner campus roads. They will take a bite out of your bumper and stuff your exhaust pipe with your lips, watch out. The tall ceilinged bookstore is big like the rest of the state, so all visitors can stay kicking distance away from each other. Unfortunately there were no cups with its flesh rippin' wolf mascot on it. A buoyant plastic stadium cup will have to do. I entered New Mexico...a boy...and left...no, barely escaped...a man. With frunky cactus breath.

San Diego State University

10 Dec 2005. This stadium cup, whose holographic images are irrepresentable here, was picked up in the Cox Arena during a men's basketball game between SDSU Aztecs (great nickname by the way) and Washington State. I did not stay to see the conclusion as it quickly dawned on me how uninteresting a game can be if I am not playing in it, have no rooting interest, or have no money riding on it. SDSU is far away from downtown San Diego, where there is plenty of affordable land. Problem is, it's riddled with California hills. There are pedestrian bridges everywhere and miles of stairways. But it is the cardiovascular environment and the lovely weather that keeps the coeds tanned and delicious.