University of Wyoming

26 Jun 2009. Laramie was a surprise. The only Division 1 institution in the Equality State boasts a fine collection of stone, wood, and iron architecture, all in the school's brown and gold colors. License plates, commemorative quarters, football-punted pint glasses - the bronc buster icon is everywhere in Wyoming! What would Wyoming be without cowboys?

A helluva lot less interesting, I can tell you that right now.

I don't doubt that, but...who are you?

They call me Char.

Any what do you know about Wyoming?

Ha! What do I know about Wyoming?

No need to repeat the question.

And no need for me to stick around and help you with your little website. I know that someone with your manners would be run out in a heartbeat, that's what I know.

Hold on. I apologize, we got off on the wrong start. Please tell me about yourself.

All right then. I go by Char. I live in Chugwater.

Are you a cowboy?

Ha! Everyone in Wyoming's a cowboy. But I know yer meaning, in which case I'd have to say no.

Even with the hat?

It takes more than a felt hat to be a cowboy. No, I run the Powder River Bar. We're on Main Street across from Cody's Auto Care. Or rather, Cody's Auto Care is across the street from us.

So you're a bartender?

At nights I am. During the day I tend to my handiwork. Metals, mostly iron, inspired by Mr. Frederic Remington.

Rodeo scenes?

More like the old American West. Kind of romanticized. Larger than life.

I saw several sculptures like that on the campus in Laramie.

Then I'd bet you saw my best work. The life size rider on Ivinson Avenue.

I did! That's yours?

Proud to say that it is. People tell me how lifelike it is, but they don't know the half of it. This one fought back. It sculpted me! I was working on the mane - hair, rope, anything thin is always tough to work with on account of the heat required to mold it. Makes it so brittle. So of course, this piece of the mane bends down and falls off, bounces off the hoof, buries itself in my shirt. It burns through my shirt, giving me a souvenir of the whole experience.

Wow. The scar kind of looks like a stretched E or M.

From my point of view, I like to say it's a W. Makes more sense. Listen, I'd like to go on, but I have to open the bar. They don't wait to drink, so I'd rather them not have to bust down the doors.

Any last words for our readers?

Of course - Powder River, Let 'er Buck!

Char's work

University of Utah

2 Aug 2007. Runnin' Utes? Da heck is that all about? Let's turn to My Cousin Vinny for explanation...

"Is it possible the two utes..."
"Eh, two what? What was that word?"
"What word?"
"Two what?"
"What?"
"Did you say utes?"
"Yeah, two utes."
"What is a ute??"
"Oh excuse me, your honor. Two youths."



So Joe Pesci gives you your answer. Utah's mascot is a couple of New York roughs. The feather in the logo represents the ever-watchful eye of the pigeon, nature's surveillance camera.
Don't you think it's hilarious that I have a shotglass from U of U, on the east side of SLC? You know, from Utah, the Tee totaling State? That's what I was goin' for!
...Yeah, I'm gettin' tired of the cheekiness, too. But wait'll ya see the entry for BYU! The smarm'll fly!

Desire more Joe Pesci? Of course you do.

University of Nevada, Las Vegas

6 Mar 2007. The parking lot surrounding UNLV's bookstore was filled with the dust of construction. Its basic style betrays what usually goes inside: forty dollar shots of Johnny Walker Blue or Cristal, depending on the time of day. This is one of the few campus stores where I cannot remember a single thing about the inside, so let's just say the cup came from the "Runnin' Rebels Spirit Wear" section on the ground floor. The basement was for hookers, blow, and textbooks.

Getty Images search result for "Saucy Bookworm"

Texas Christian University

January 2007. The TCU area of Fort Worth was much greener than I ever imagined it would be. Large stately lawns in front of every hall, marble steps leading to their entrances, a kind of UVA feel. The bookstore was gutted for renovations, leaving a raggedy trailer as its stand-in. The low ceiling threatened visiting basketball recruits to this religious affiliated - probably Jesuit - school. This travel mug was the only affordable trinket. It is top heavy, the handle is too small to fit the proper amount of stabilizing fingers, and nothing about the removable lid says durable. Its saving grace, of course, is the blinding purple. Not too many schools have the utter gall to make purple its primary color. But then again not too many schools willingly name their sports teams 'The Horned Toads'.

"They musta turned him into a h-horny toad!"

University of New Mexico

25 Aug 2006. This is where the CCP starts to get interesting. It takes on a tinge of adventure, for the what in the name of the Hogwaller Ramblers am I doing in New Mexico? (There's a New Mexico now?) The good folks in Albuquerque can try all they might to show off their fine town as a real city with real city services like libraries and aquariums, but we all know their state is basically America's Mongolia. Big. Barren. Where wildlife die of thirst before they can make it to the interstate to commit suicide and where suburban-raised people curl up and bawl. UNM's campus, devoid of much botanical life, is still striking with its brilliant red and tan buildings. The energetic student population took over all the inner campus roads. They will take a bite out of your bumper and stuff your exhaust pipe with your lips, watch out. The tall ceilinged bookstore is big like the rest of the state, so all visitors can stay kicking distance away from each other. Unfortunately there were no cups with its flesh rippin' wolf mascot on it. A buoyant plastic stadium cup will have to do. I entered New Mexico...a boy...and left...no, barely escaped...a man. With frunky cactus breath.

San Diego State University

10 Dec 2005. This stadium cup, whose holographic images are irrepresentable here, was picked up in the Cox Arena during a men's basketball game between SDSU Aztecs (great nickname by the way) and Washington State. I did not stay to see the conclusion as it quickly dawned on me how uninteresting a game can be if I am not playing in it, have no rooting interest, or have no money riding on it. SDSU is far away from downtown San Diego, where there is plenty of affordable land. Problem is, it's riddled with California hills. There are pedestrian bridges everywhere and miles of stairways. But it is the cardiovascular environment and the lovely weather that keeps the coeds tanned and delicious.