29 June 2009

University of Toledo

26 Nov 2007. A tinted shotglass, that's a first. Procured on one of Toledo's many rainy days.

“By Sixtus, I won’t allow this ill-gotten Eden to happen now! And, of all places, certainly not in Ohio!”
TJ was finishing off his travel plaza Orange Julius as Pope Urban psyched the two of them up. Of course, Pope Urban needed no psyching up himself, for if one can’t muster some energy for the coming wrath of God, what kind of pontiff would he be? TJ, however, was willing to help but unable to grasp the gravity when all other religious scholars were assuring everyone that holy water cloud seeding was completely safe.
Pope Urban pulled their Pope Coupe Hybrid (Popemobile was in the shop) into the campus of the University of Toledo. It had been efficiently evacuated; dragon drills proved to be great preparation for the student populace.
The dragon was happily crushing the brownstone buildings to dust with its claws. Pope Urban correctly surmised that the monster’s deep blue sheen and smaller size indicated it was city-raised. However his biomythological analysis ended when an errant rock struck the hood of the Coupe Hybrid.
“It’s not safe here, TJ. And we are helpless against the dragon. Let the sorry devil demolish empty buildings. We need to find out who is behind the scenes.”
“How do we do that?”
“Head to the rocketry center of the campus.”
“And if we find no one?”
“…Well…then I guess we would need to stop the dragon at least.”
“And how do we do that?”
Pope Urban thought for a moment. “Pomegranates. I need you to get pomegranates. As many as you can fit in the Coupe Hybrid.”
“Me? Pomegranates? Why? What?”
“Dragons are a sucker for them. Been that way since the stone age. Trust me.” Pope Urban tossed the keys to TJ.
“I only have a couple dollars left from snacks.”
“We have Catholic Credit for emergencies. So what do you think this is, Touchdown Jesus? Meet me back here as soon as possible.”
TJ drove off and Pope Urban plucked a campus map from the welcome center. Got it. Rocketry Sciences. Hector Hall.
“Goodness! Where are the wayfinding signs when you need them?” He rotated the map so the top was the direction he was facing. After realizing it was the one building the dragon was avoiding destroying, he tried to run up the main steps. Popes aren’t known to run fast though. The dragon caught sight of him, dropped his tons of rocks, and sprang into a wing-assisted gallop. He bit into Pope Urban’s robe and quickly tossed him into some nearby trees. The dragon turned tail and returned to his rockpile. Pope Urban, hatless, gingerly climbed down the tree. He decided to give it another try, this time with a sunken side entrance. Ever so slowly and quietly, he even had his hand on the doorknob and was pulling the door open when the dragon returned and flung him into an even taller tree. The dragon walked up to the tree and gave a vibracious roar before returning to work. Pope Urban had to extricate himself from his robe to get down.
TJ drove up to the tree with a face full of bad news.
“Uh, I checked all the markets I could find. But no pomegranates. Sorry.”
“No pomegranates??” repeated Pope Urban incredulously. “What kind of horrid town is this?”
“What about the rocketry center?”
“Hector Hall is right there, but that winged Lucifer won’t let me in. At least I don’t have any broken bones.”
TJ scratched his head nervously. He watched the clouds grow thick. “Here come the clouds. Figure whoever this is, is going to act pronto.”
“Then so shall we. The time has come to call on Canisius.”


A nearby rollercoaster commemorates the wanton destruction of state property.

No comments: