22 June 2009

University of Notre Dame

19 Oct 2007. The ultimate buyer's remorse here. Acquired a tumbler so bland, yet Notre Dame's bookstore puts so many to shame, in terms of store design, square footage, and merchandise selection. A classy dark green shotglass with 'Irish' in gold script, was the one that got away, my drinkware 'missed connection'.

Pope Urban Beatz LXIX landed flat on his back, disoriented. Only rarely did he fall from heights of greater than thirty feet. He slowly sat up on the front steps of Our Lady of the Immaculate Leprechaun. A thin man clad in off-white rags ran out the church's front doors.
"Pope Urban! Are you all right?"
Pope Urban dusted off his tall velvet hat.
"I'm all right, T.J. Just got the wind knocked out of me. But a little suspicious as to why a dragon is flying around South Bend, Indiana."
"I saw the dragon through the stained glass windows. He was in the back of the church thrashing around so I opened the back door a crack to get a better look. He wrestled a huge water tank from out of the ground with his claws!"
"The holy water tank? That is enough for over a thousand archdioceses!"
Pope Urban and T.J. looked to the sky. The scaly blue beast was now a hazy spot disappearing into the clouds.
"Do you think it has something to do with the cloud seeding report?" asked T.J.
"Listen to me, Touchdown Jesus. I think it has everything to do with the cloud seeding report."
The bigwigs of organized religion would not disagree with this point.
Biotheology Today had recently published a scientific juggernaut on the effects of high altitude cloud seeding with holy water. The results of the cloud seeding were incredible: lush rains encouraged crops, even those out of season; the airs and waters were remarkably free of particulate matter; long gone animal populations returned and those already present grew in record numbers. It seemed to be an earthly Eden on demand.
Both the religious and secular communities were jubilant. Finally a linking of science and God that could bring both philosophies together in making a terrestrial heaven a reality.
Pope Urban, however, felt he was the only one to see the potential downside. An egregious show of arrogance and hubris not unlike the Tower of Babel. The resolution, which would come sooner than later, would be pain, confusion, and bitter divisiveness.
While he told whom he could about the impending disaster, he went to personally patrol the location of the largest reservoir of holy water in the United States: the University of Notre Dame.
Guard duty did not go well.
"Where do you think the dragon is taking the holy water tank?"
"No idea. Also no idea who the dragon is working for. What I do know is this person still needs the proper rocketry to launch the tank, awfully cloudy weather, and plenty of brownstone for cloud seed grit to pull off what I think..." Gravity took hold of Pope Urban's jaw.
"To pull off what? What's going to happen?"
"Holy Toledo."


The inspiration for Pope Urban and T.J.

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