14 December 2008

Virginia Commonwealth University

5 Nov 2005. Richmond gets a bad rap sometimes, and so does VCU by association, due to street crime. But they've done better recently and VCU has improved their campus as well. Nothing too noteworthy here, whether it be the bookstore, campus, ram-less cup design, or backstory. So here's a fictionalized summary of what happened:

Out of the muck of the James River crawled a man-beast. This man-beast was created one drunken night when a lonely vintner in Albemarle County got too friendly with one of his pet goats. Horrified at what was birthed months later, the winemaker took it far, far away, to a completely different culture: Richmond, Virginia. The city people of Richmond would be able to dispose of it in a cold act that the Charlottesville citizen could not bring himself to commit. In the rain, he set the little half-goat on the banks of the James, not permitting himself to look back as he walked away. In his mind, he was simply allowing nature to take its course. The waters above engorged the waters beneath. The abandoned crate held tight to its hideous cargo as it was swept away. Little did anyone know that the goat-human hybrid was hardier than most other goat-human hybrids. It survived the storm and landed on Belle Island, subsisting for many years on grubs, weeds, and chicken offal from KFC. It allayed its boredom with discarded books from Richmond's closed libraries. The fearsome beast's liberal education and growing interest in the world around him led 'Rammy' - as various news reports on his sighting would call him - to seek funding for a land grant institution. The welcoming people of Richmond, unaccustomed to a man-beast as they may have been, were glad to see a local interested in the education of its people. Years of administrative toil lay ahead, but they would soon pay off. Rammy was overjoyed when the doors finally opened to Virginia Commonwealth University. He served as its first president and athletic mascot.

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