25 Oct 2008. A new feature on the CCP is campus photos. There is one for Drexel below but in a few weeks they will start showing up regularly beginning with UNC Asheville. Getty Images will still act as stand-in when my photos turn out blurry and useless, which happens quite often!
"What do you want?"
"I want to sing - "
"You sing beautifully!"
" - without causing destruction!"
Maria shut up. No argument there. But this was an unnatural operation Mario was talking about. Dangerous too. Obviously, there were not many doctors who knew how to safely remove a dragon's pyrovox glands. She could not help but protest Mario's proposal.
"You would be giving away what makes a dragon a dragon."
Mario crushed the rocks under his feet.
"What makes a dragon a dragon is not about the smoke on its breath but the fire in its belly!"
Mario caught a spark of fright underneath Maria's normally strong exterior. He forced himself to lower his voice.
"I have made my decision. Do you stand by me?"
"Always."
Mario relaxed. He walked over to Maria for a dragon's kiss, nuzzling her neck. He spread his deep blue wings and lifted off the ground.
"I love you, Maria."
"I love you too. Be careful!"
Mario headed west. 600 miles and the Appalachian mountains lay between him and South Bend.
*TO BE CONTINUED*
Part 1: Notre Dame
Part 2: Toledo
26 Nov 2007. A tinted shotglass, that's a first. Procured on one of Toledo's many rainy days.
“By Sixtus, I won’t allow this ill-gotten Eden to happen now! And, of all places, certainly not in Ohio!”
TJ was finishing off his travel plaza Orange Julius as Pope Urban psyched the two of them up. Of course, Pope Urban needed no psyching up himself, for if one can’t muster some energy for the coming wrath of God, what kind of pontiff would he be? TJ, however, was willing to help but unable to grasp the gravity when all other religious scholars were assuring everyone that holy water cloud seeding was completely safe.
Pope Urban pulled their Pope Coupe Hybrid (Popemobile was in the shop) into the campus of the University of Toledo. It had been efficiently evacuated; dragon drills proved to be great preparation for the student populace.
The dragon was happily crushing the brownstone buildings to dust with its claws. Pope Urban correctly surmised that the monster’s deep blue sheen and smaller size indicated it was city-raised. However his biomythological analysis ended when an errant rock struck the hood of the Coupe Hybrid.
“It’s not safe here, TJ. And we are helpless against the dragon. Let the sorry devil demolish empty buildings. We need to find out who is behind the scenes.”
“How do we do that?”
“Head to the rocketry center of the campus.”
“And if we find no one?”
“…Well…then I guess we would need to stop the dragon at least.”
“And how do we do that?”
Pope Urban thought for a moment. “Pomegranates. I need you to get pomegranates. As many as you can fit in the Coupe Hybrid.”
“Me? Pomegranates? Why? What?”
“Dragons are a sucker for them. Been that way since the stone age. Trust me.” Pope Urban tossed the keys to TJ.
“I only have a couple dollars left from snacks.”
“We have Catholic Credit for emergencies. So what do you think this is, Touchdown Jesus? Meet me back here as soon as possible.”
TJ drove off and Pope Urban plucked a campus map from the welcome center. Got it. Rocketry Sciences. Hector Hall.
“Goodness! Where are the wayfinding signs when you need them?” He rotated the map so the top was the direction he was facing. After realizing it was the one building the dragon was avoiding destroying, he tried to run up the main steps. Popes aren’t known to run fast though. The dragon caught sight of him, dropped his tons of rocks, and sprang into a wing-assisted gallop. He bit into Pope Urban’s robe and quickly tossed him into some nearby trees. The dragon turned tail and returned to his rockpile. Pope Urban, hatless, gingerly climbed down the tree. He decided to give it another try, this time with a sunken side entrance. Ever so slowly and quietly, he even had his hand on the doorknob and was pulling the door open when the dragon returned and flung him into an even taller tree. The dragon walked up to the tree and gave a vibracious roar before returning to work. Pope Urban had to extricate himself from his robe to get down.
TJ drove up to the tree with a face full of bad news.
“Uh, I checked all the markets I could find. But no pomegranates. Sorry.”
“No pomegranates??” repeated Pope Urban incredulously. “What kind of horrid town is this?”
“What about the rocketry center?”
“Hector Hall is right there, but that winged Lucifer won’t let me in. At least I don’t have any broken bones.”
TJ scratched his head nervously. He watched the clouds grow thick. “Here come the clouds. Figure whoever this is, is going to act pronto.”
“Then so shall we. The time has come to call on Canisius.”
*TO BE CONTINUED*
A nearby rollercoaster commemorates the wanton destruction of state property.
19 Oct 2007. The ultimate buyer's remorse here. Acquired a tumbler so bland, yet Notre Dame's bookstore puts so many to shame, in terms of store design, square footage, and merchandise selection. A classy dark green shotglass with 'Irish' in gold script, was the one that got away, my drinkware 'missed connection'.
Pope Urban Beatz LXIX landed flat on his back, disoriented. Only rarely did he fall from heights of greater than thirty feet. He slowly sat up on the front steps of Our Lady of the Immaculate Leprechaun. A thin man clad in off-white rags ran out the church's front doors.
"Pope Urban! Are you all right?"
Pope Urban dusted off his tall velvet hat.
"I'm all right, T.J. Just got the wind knocked out of me. But a little suspicious as to why a dragon is flying around South Bend, Indiana."
"I saw the dragon through the stained glass windows. He was in the back of the church thrashing around so I opened the back door a crack to get a better look. He wrestled a huge water tank from out of the ground with his claws!"
"The holy water tank? That is enough for over a thousand archdioceses!"
Pope Urban and T.J. looked to the sky. The scaly blue beast was now a hazy spot disappearing into the clouds.
"Do you think it has something to do with the cloud seeding report?" asked T.J.
"Listen to me, Touchdown Jesus. I think it has everything to do with the cloud seeding report."
******
The bigwigs of organized religion would not disagree with this point.
Biotheology Today had recently published a scientific juggernaut on the effects of high altitude cloud seeding with holy water. The results of the cloud seeding were incredible: lush rains encouraged crops, even those out of season; the airs and waters were remarkably free of particulate matter; long gone animal populations returned and those already present grew in record numbers. It seemed to be an earthly Eden on demand.
Both the religious and secular communities were jubilant. Finally a linking of science and God that could bring both philosophies together in making a terrestrial heaven a reality.
Pope Urban, however, felt he was the only one to see the potential downside. An egregious show of arrogance and hubris not unlike the Tower of Babel. The resolution, which would come sooner than later, would be pain, confusion, and bitter divisiveness.
While he told whom he could about the impending disaster, he went to personally patrol the location of the largest reservoir of holy water in the United States: the University of Notre Dame.
Guard duty did not go well.
******
"Where do you think the dragon is taking the holy water tank?"
"No idea. Also no idea who the dragon is working for. What I do know is this person still needs the proper rocketry to launch the tank, awfully cloudy weather, and plenty of brownstone for cloud seed grit to pull off what I think..." Gravity took hold of Pope Urban's jaw.
"To pull off what? What's going to happen?"
"Holy Toledo."
*TO BE CONTINUED*
The inspiration for Pope Urban and T.J.
