21 July 2010

A Special FIFA World Cup Message

Over a month ago (one month already??), Mexico said ‘kiss my aztec’ to all the haters, beat hosts South Africa, and bleu out the cocky French. Even Bafana Bafana would springbok from a loss to Uruguay to beat the French.

Coached by that pampas windbag Maradona, Argentina turned a potentially messi situation into a dominating first place finish in Group B. The Greeks scored their first ever Big Fat World Cup Goal in defeating Nigeria, for whom things fell apart. South Korea had some Seoul searching to do after a tough loss in round 2.

Though England had an arsenal of stars, the US yanked away a tie and eventually first place in the group. Algeria was algiers and no cheers. And the Slovenians went home in shame and put their heads in the wood stove, a common practice that lent its name to the country: slow oven +YAHHHHH (the screams of one’s hair catching on fire).

In a big upset, the Germans GOT SERBED 1-0. But Serbia as a new soccer power in Europe? I wouldn’t kosovar as to say that. The fans of the Black Stars knew their team was Ghana win in round 2 and send the US home. Argh. Donovan ask about it. Poor Australia, sure they were underdingos…but I Canberra to watch a 4-0 loss. Socceroo fans are outback chundering.

Is this finally the year for the Netherlands? Dutch you think that’s exciting?? Every Holland van Goghs wild at the idea! Honda was revving up for Japan, but then his brakes failed and his team hit a wall called Paraguay. Denmark took their one win thanks to FIFA not letting a replay Cameroon the beautiful game. But their overall finish dane impress anyone.

Paraguay’s official mascot is the Night Monkey, but their unofficial mascots are the paraguayt bweasts in the picture below. Pardon me, did you just call Slovakia slow…fock ya! The Kiwis polished off an undefeated World Cup, scoring their first ever points in the tournament. New Zealand also left the Italians feeling auckward and sicily depressed after a 1-1 tie.

North Korea had a Brazilian to one chance in their opener, but at least they scored. Photos of a jubilant Kim Jong-Il dancing with three underage drag queens later appeared on DMZ.com. Just another Korea defining moment for great leader. Without Drogba, Cote D’Ivoire proved to be a white elephant. Although Ronaldo scored a touchdown for the Portuguese, in round 2 the Lusophones were lusers. (Lusophonies also accepted.)

The Five Stars showed Hondurance but it would be a Chile day in Hell before they could compete with Humberto Suazo’s squad. Spain was madridful than anything in losing to Switzerland. The Spaniards were the ones with Swiss Miss in their shorts that day. OOH, BERN!

If uruthinking that only Brazil would be the lone hope for South America, Uruguaaaay’s off. Nether speak of that again. Germany has bavaria active in developing their young players. But Spain…que golazo Spain. You’re tapas in the world today. Congratulations. El primero is always the best.

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